I woke up this morning, made my husband breakfast, grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to the news. My husband bustled around our small apartment, preparing himself for his cold drive north. At 7:00, I gave him a kiss and sent him off to school. I've found myself envious of him these past few months. It's hard to believe I've been out of school for 6 months now. It hit me a bit when Chris went back to school in August, but I was still incredibly busy with the wedding. Now, after he's gone back for spring semester, I feel it intensely. I'm in the business of my everyday life. I work 3 days a week and attempt to have a "life" on the other 4. When I go to the hospital, I stand alone. Students look to me to teach them. But I'm still learning.

God is teaching me to let go and grow up, but I feel myself resisting. I'm already considering going into another nursing program. I know I need to wait. I'm not confident in my practice. I have no business being an advanced-practice nurse. I'm praying that God will give my mind rest and contentment in this time of my life. I must learn to be content in my job and with my education. I must avoid the temptation to say, "It will get better when . . . " or "I will be happier if . . ." When those things happpen, there will always be something else. It's life.

All I can do is pray and study His Word.

The Change

I highly doubt anyone will notice this. I don't believe I have readers, nor do I believe I ever will. However, for some time, I've considered converting this blog into something more personal for myself. It's clear to me now that the gardens aren't going to happen any time soon. My friends and I are young dreamers, and we're all currently living out different dreams. Brian is living out his dream in California, and I'm proud of him for that. To ask him to spearhead this garden with me would be selfish. Renee is busy juggling her two jobs and her blooming relationship, figuring out how to be a young professional in a very tough field (criminal justice). Sam is busy living out her life with Jennifer, deciding what's best for the two of them. And Chris and I are newlyweds, trying to figure out marriage. It's overwhelming and wonderful. So the garden must wait.

My new purpose for Katallagei (because the name is no less relevant) is to throw out my ideas. I want to share what God is teaching me. I'm in an amazing season of life -- God has put spiritually mature women in my life who are pouring their knowledge on me. The women in my CityGroup are teaching me how to be a Proverbs 31 woman. My pastors are challenging me to be in true community with the church and the Irvington community. And another young couple has taken Chris and me under their wing to help us manage our finances.

Look for me to post challenges and celebrations, failures and successes. I'm learning to embrace them all.