He can make anything NEW

I'm starting to find my identity wrapped up in God's again.

These past few months have been good for my growth. As anyone who reads back can tell, work was my main concern for a while. I felt trapped. I couldn't maintain mine and Chris's finances by doing anything else, but I didn't feel good about where I was, either. I can't tell you the moment it happened, but over the weeks, I felt more comfortable in my work. I stopped dreading my shifts, and while I was there, I felt as if I could handle the load. Now that my career is on a better path, I've been able to focus on my personal walk.

I have to give credit where credit is due: my Church family has been more than necessary in my journey; more specifically, my CityGroup. These men and women have been the best examples of God's love to me! They genuinely desire to know me and Chris, and to see us grow. Many nights, the men and women separate so we can pray as sisters or brothers together. I find myself confessing my sins to my sisters in a way I've never done before. I am able to tell them how I'm struggling, and they never judge or condemn. Instead, they love me where I am, and lead me toward a better way.

Right now, they're encouraging me to take better care of myself. They aren't making me feel fat and lazy. They're encouraging me to be what God created me to be, a strong, healthy woman. And they're gently reminding me that our God is a God of order, not chaos. So, in a way, I'm worshiping Him by keeping my home and life in order. I'm also seeing how God wants me to care for my body, as much for my husband as for myself. God didn't create me to let myself waste away!

This feeling is beautiful and encouraging.

Frustration and Learning

I've been following a blog related to living as a Godly wife and mother. The mothering conversations didn't apply to me, but I still read them and enjoyed the blog. I was gleaning ideas on how to be a good wife to Chris, and how to run our home. A few weeks ago, I actually commented on one of the blog posts. I guess the writer decided she needed to set me straight on the issue, so she e-mailed me. Here's what she said:

Thanks for your inquiry. Unfortunately, I don't believe it is biblical for the wife to be working outside the home after the arrival of children, so I do not believe I can address that issue. I would encourage you to search the Scriptures and pray together with your husband on the topic. I believe there are great benefits and rewards for being at home and raising my children. I know I could not personally successfully manage a career and my home simultaneously. My goal is to simply care for, nurture, and train my children to love the Lord. That is a full time job. I pray the Lord would guide you in this decision making process. It is certainly possible to live on one income. I can testify to that! And it is a beautiful adventure!

She doesn't believe it is biblical? I have searched Scripture, and my Bible seems to have left that part out. Actually, in Proverbs 31, the woman Soloman described works A LOT outside of her home. She makes clothes and sells them. Sounds like a job to me. I am not trying to say that her (the blogger's) choice of staying at home is stupid. Far from it. If I felt God wanted me in my home 24/7 to raise my children, I would do everything in my power to do it. I don't feel like God brought me through 4 years of nursing school to NOT be a nurse. I plan on working fewer hours once we've had children. I also plan to work less after we're out of debt. But I don't believe God wants to me drop my career and hard work. What would I be teaching my children then?

?*&%#$@

I am constantly trying to be better. I'm trying to be a better friend, daughter, wife, nurse and Christian. But I keep failing. I keep telling myself to call all my friends on my day off. But I don't. I keep planning to spend the afternoon with my parents, but I never go. I try to take better care of my husband's needs (a clean home, a relaxing dinner, etc) but when I get off work I let him do it, because I tell myself that I worked too hard all day. I try to spend time in Scripture each day and talk to God throughout my day, but, again, I rationalize that I'm too tired on days that I work. I am so frustrated with myself sometimes.

SnOMG

Crazy, crazy times in Indy this week. As any Midwesterner knows, we're under the deadly clutches of a blizzard. Which, thanks to the weather persons I now know, has nothing to do with snow -- it's wind. The scary weather has me thinking (a dangerous past time -- I know!) that I'm not sure about my career path. Just follow me . . .

Going into nursing school, I wanted to be an ER nurse, just like my mom. I wanted to get people in, save their lives, then ship 'em out. No "nurse-patient relationship" involved. Then, I got a job with the VA in SICU, and I fell in love. Having the same patients for a few days wasn't that bad, especially if they were vented and sedated. I could talk to my patients, but not deal with them talking back. I felt in control. I loved it. Nothing lasts forever, though, and I found out there wouldn't be a job for me after graduation. I had to leave SICU and go into a private company. I applied EVERYWHERE. I got turned down over 30 times. Many applications pre-rejected me. When I clicked "Less than 1 year experience" the online app would close out automatically. Ouch. Finally, somewhere called back and I took a job with an LTAC.

My first few months as an RN, to be frank, sucked. I cried before my shifts, desperate to find another job. I got physically ill thinking about going. Thankfully, I found a few places to interview me, and I went back into post-surgical nursing. Med-surg, but still surgical. I'm not going to lie, I rocked out orientation. My preceptor constantly reinforced that I was doing a great job. I felt awesome. But for some reason, after orientation, I fell off the Awesomeness Wagon, and fell somewhere around mediocre. I'm questioning whether this type of nursing is what I should be doing.

When the storm hit, I felt myself getting angry that my job would ask me to risk my and my husband's safety so I could get to work. If I get hurt, how can I take care of people later? And wouldn't they be upset if I missed even more work after an accident? I was feeling pretty bitter when I called to say that I couldn't get into our car. Now, sitting here, I'm wondering if this means I should be in this job. I'm not quitting, but it makes me think.

When Chris and I have children, will I be able to leave them all day for work? Will I be able to sacrifice having dinner with them every night? Am I ready to be a working, 21st century wife? I don't know. And I don't know what God wants from me, either.

I woke up this morning, made my husband breakfast, grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to the news. My husband bustled around our small apartment, preparing himself for his cold drive north. At 7:00, I gave him a kiss and sent him off to school. I've found myself envious of him these past few months. It's hard to believe I've been out of school for 6 months now. It hit me a bit when Chris went back to school in August, but I was still incredibly busy with the wedding. Now, after he's gone back for spring semester, I feel it intensely. I'm in the business of my everyday life. I work 3 days a week and attempt to have a "life" on the other 4. When I go to the hospital, I stand alone. Students look to me to teach them. But I'm still learning.

God is teaching me to let go and grow up, but I feel myself resisting. I'm already considering going into another nursing program. I know I need to wait. I'm not confident in my practice. I have no business being an advanced-practice nurse. I'm praying that God will give my mind rest and contentment in this time of my life. I must learn to be content in my job and with my education. I must avoid the temptation to say, "It will get better when . . . " or "I will be happier if . . ." When those things happpen, there will always be something else. It's life.

All I can do is pray and study His Word.

The Change

I highly doubt anyone will notice this. I don't believe I have readers, nor do I believe I ever will. However, for some time, I've considered converting this blog into something more personal for myself. It's clear to me now that the gardens aren't going to happen any time soon. My friends and I are young dreamers, and we're all currently living out different dreams. Brian is living out his dream in California, and I'm proud of him for that. To ask him to spearhead this garden with me would be selfish. Renee is busy juggling her two jobs and her blooming relationship, figuring out how to be a young professional in a very tough field (criminal justice). Sam is busy living out her life with Jennifer, deciding what's best for the two of them. And Chris and I are newlyweds, trying to figure out marriage. It's overwhelming and wonderful. So the garden must wait.

My new purpose for Katallagei (because the name is no less relevant) is to throw out my ideas. I want to share what God is teaching me. I'm in an amazing season of life -- God has put spiritually mature women in my life who are pouring their knowledge on me. The women in my CityGroup are teaching me how to be a Proverbs 31 woman. My pastors are challenging me to be in true community with the church and the Irvington community. And another young couple has taken Chris and me under their wing to help us manage our finances.

Look for me to post challenges and celebrations, failures and successes. I'm learning to embrace them all.

Inspiration from a Rocker

Please go read this. I don't care if you're atheist, agnostic, angry, Islam, Jewish, Christian or just confused. This is important. This is crucial. This IS our mission.

http://usliberals.about.com/od/faithinpubliclife/a/BonoSermon.htm

Please don't overlook this speech because it's 4 years old, or from Bono. Don't ignore it because you're conservative. Read it with an open mind.

And, if you're out there reading Katallagei's blog, leave us a message. We want to know we're not the only ones out here. We're posting this for you.

BLESSINGS!

It's annoying but justice and equality are mates. Aren't they? Justice always wants to hang out with equality. And equality is a real pain.

I have faith in my weeds

Since my last post, my brother has been keeping his eyes out for veggies. Which is pretty difficult, considering the weeds have taken over our modest plot. Some of the weeds are quite lovely, if you actually look at them. A few of them are flowering (what are those?). Yesterday, he came into my room and said, "Hey sis, you have a cucumber down there." I immediately jumped up, threw on flippie floppies, and got my behind down our hill. I went to the area I remember planting my pickling cucumber plants, and all I could find were tiny little prickly beginnings. The same I've been seeing all season. But then, with the help of Chris's keen eyes, I saw one. A beautiful, solitary cucumber. Perfect pickle size. I reached down and plucked my little pickle, and I beamed. To be honest, I don't really like cucumbers, but in that moment, I loved that one. Gardening glory.

After I found my pretty little pickle, I surveyed the rest of the garden. I am happy to report (to whoever may read this humble blog) that the garden is still producing edibles. Our tomato plants are covered in green spheres of goodness, and our pepper plants are getting spicey! Danny brought a huge banana pepper inside.

Forgive me for being deep, but doesn't this sound a lot like our lives? We start out with big dreams and lots of anticipation. It all starts well. Then sometime later, another dream pulls on our attention and weeds pop up. At first, we can handle the weeds. Plucking and tugging until our dream clears up again. But as time goes on, the weeds take over, and we can't figure out which parts are weed and which parts are dream.

But this week I've learned to have faith in my weeds. If you're willing to look through them, they can still allow a dream to produce fruit (or veggies). I once read another garden blog which said anyone who can throw a seed in the ground and water it can produce at least a minimal amount of edible material. Katallagei is proving him correct. Our weeds are doing quite well.

I learned a lesson this growing season: Your garden reflects the rest of your life.

The past month, I've started a new job, I've been planning a wedding and I've become increasingly involved our new church. It's been a heck of a month. My garden totally reflects that. Because I didn't get down to the garden daily, a groundhog decided it was his garden. Rude, groundhog, very rude. However, I can't blame him. I had some tastey stuff growing down there. I bet we have the healthiest groundhog in the neighborhood. Danny and I were able to salvage a few gorgeous tomatoes, and a few pepper plants still promise some fruit. We'll be watching. And learning.

Next year will be a big challenge for Katallagei, too. Our treasurer, aka "Money Man" Brian, will be in California, pursuing his graduate degree in film. He's leaving this week, so prayers are greatly needed and appreciated. I might have to invest in a webcam so he and I can Skype about the garden. Chris and I will also be in an apartment next year. We might be forced to do container gardening. There are definite advantages to such a system, though, and we're looking forward to figuring those advantages out. If Chris and I can grow healthy food in containers, what's to stop anyone else from doing it in the city?

Please keep praying for Katallagei to grow into the Eden we know it can be. We might not have the land, the money, or even a clear enough vision, but we have faith. And when you add faith into any equation, God moves!

And if anyone knows how to lovingly deter groundhogs, please share. :)

Do I even like marmalade?

Since getting the call to start a garden, and recruiting some amazing friends, I've been reading, watching and practicing. I've learned more about growing my own food in the past month than I've learned in my entire life. It can be overwhelming!

One thing I've come to enjoy about fresh foods is making jams. My future mother-in-law, Pam, and I have been trying out new recipes together. Pam is a veteran when it comes to blackberries, raspberries and the like. She gets all her berries from a local farm, Waterman's. They're small, tart, and delicious. When you mash them, boil them, add some pectin and sugar, you can't go wrong. Even the color is wonderful! Blackberries, when cooked, turn a rich violet color. Maybe I've decided what color to paint my bedroom; blackberry violet?

During our latest jam session (aren't I clever?) Pam and I ventured outside our comfort zones. She had a bag of oranges on their last leg, and a spare box of pectin. What does spare ingredients and a few bored women equal? New recipe! Pam and I recruited my fiance, Chris, to start zesting oranges and lemons for orange marmalade. The recipe looked more difficult than we were used to. It required zesting the fruits, then peeling them, then chopping them, boiling them for 30 minutes . . . we weren't sure we could do it correctly. To add, none of us were sure we even liked marmalades.

The kitchen air filled with the scent of fresh citrus. Delicious. But as I started the first boil . . . yuck. The zest smelled bitter. I began to worry. I added the chopped fruit for the second boil. A little better. If nothing else, it turned a beautiful orange color. We added the pectin and sugar and let it boil a bit more before moving it into our mason jars. The recipe said that it could take 2 weeks to set, so we planned to wait. Apparently, though, we did something right. They set in about 24 hours! The next day, I tried our creation at breakfast. We did good, friends! Orange marmalade, as long as the texture doesn't bug you, is more than tolerable. It's quite lovely.

The point of this post? I want you all to taste new things! Try new recipes, don't fear making something gross! Go to your farmer's market and pick a few things you can't pronounce. Even if your recipe doesn't turn out well, you've branched out. That can't ever be bad.

Keep praying for our garden! God bless you all!

Skinniest People Grocery Shop HERE - AOL Health

Skinniest People Grocery Shop HERE - AOL Health

The NEW American Dream Home

Don't we all grow up wanting that perfect American home? Front porch, white picket fence, big front yard with a dog? Yeah, I'll admit it -- that was my dream. Lots of green grass, perfectly mown, no weeds as far as the eye could see. Lately, though, we at Katallagei have discussed the wastefulness of such a dream.

What's the benefit of those big yards? We water them. Waste. We fertilize them. Pollution. Grass doesn't add anything to soil. People all over Indianapolis spend lots of their time and money trying to get beautiful lawns. But really, what's the benefit other than their pride?

We've noticed a new trend in the city, and we're loving it. Some people are planting vegetable gardens in their front lawns. It makes sense to use the front, really. If you have children or a dog, the backyard is their playground. The front yard faces the street, so the back is a safer option, anyway. These gardeners, by utilizing a few square feet in their front yards, are growing enough produce to feed their families.

For those out there who can't get over the aesthetic, there are plenty of edible flowers out there; for example, most herbs flower if you don't trim them. Potato plants yield a lovely purple flower. Marigolds are edible, and in some regions, keep rabbits at bay. Carnations and cornflowers are both edible as well. Even day lilies can be eaten! (Please don't assume all flowers are safe to eat! Always check!)

Sure, they may not have the American dream out front. And admittedly, their homes probably won't end up on a home tour anytime soon. But they sure get an A+ in our book! We applaud you, home gardeners! Keep doing what you do.

Thoughts from Chicago

I (Chelsea) spent a few days in Chicago this week, and I thought a lot about living in a big city. There are certainly some benefits. The people there walked more than I do in a typical day. While I was there, I walked or took the subway everywhere. Everything I needed was so close. Grocery stores, clothing stores, church, restaurants, museums, libraries, book stores. The first day, I got caught up in the high fashion, convenience of Chicago. In the middle of the week, though, after the Cubs game, I was thrown back into reality. As I walked back to the hotel from the subway, I encountered unimaginable poverty. A pregnant woman was lying in the street on top of cardboard, a veteran was trying to walk the streets with one sock on and newspapers taped to the other foot. My first thoughts were, "I hope she is getting enough food for her baby. And I hope he isn't diabetic. He'll lose that foot."

That's why we're creating Katallagei. The world needs us. Imagine, for a moment, what access to fresh, nutritious foods could do for those two people? Imagine if they could work in the gardens, planting and harvesting. Imagine if through the garden, they heard the word of God and were introduced to Christ?

Katallagei wants to add some green to all the concrete in our city. We want to offer an opportunity for fresh produce, real community and prideful work. Please join us. If you can't join us, please pray for us. God bless!

Welcome to our Garden!

We are Katallagei Gardens. Katallagei is the Greek word we find in the New Testament for reconciliation. We are a community garden focused on creating reconciliation, bringing all people who were formerly separate, and being in communion with each other through gardening, education, and understanding. Our motto is "Thyme is more important than money!"

We were founded by Chelsea, Chris, Sam, Brian, Renee, and Justin after Chelsea got a call from God to start gardening in urban Indianapolis. We are just beginning our journey together. We are yet to find land, funding, or anything for that matter. We are working on figuring it all out together. We hope to serve our God, and Indianapolis, well. Please leave comments and questions for us! We'd love to meet you, talk to you about reconciliation and come into communion with you!